So I’m guarding the rummage at our church rummage sale and I’m getting really bored from all the people asking me questions about how much things cost, so I pull out my guitar (pronounced geetar) and play a few songs. I’m in the middle of jamming to “Satellite” by Guster when I feel something graze my left-leg hair and I hear this thwack. I look down and bird crap missed me by inches and landed on my guitar case. The birds’ stupid songs wake me up every morning and I don’t try to crap on them.