I am afraid of having a unibrow and not realizing it until someone points at me and says in a loud voice near a large group of people, “You have a unibrow.”

And I imagine this large crowd of people laughing at me. There are movie stars among the crowd and they are laughing too. The kind of movie stars that when you watch them in films you think you could be best friends in real life. Someone like, Tom Cruise or Harrison Ford. But now they don’t want to be my friend because I have a unibrow.

That is why I pluck. Because I recognize that I am a hairy human being. I shave my chest. I sometimes trim my arm pits. I do not want movie stars to laugh at me, nor women with mustaches. It would ruin my life.

• Here’s an eyebrow expert whose life goal it is to find “the perfect arch” for your eyebrows.

• Here are some good tips on how to pluck. The number one rule: don’t overpluck. Overplucking is bad.

• Here’s a link to some more tips on plucking: “Never try to make your eyebrows identical – your eyebrows are sisters, not twins.”